You heard right, the new Callaway Villas Hotel will be giving away a free FOUR night stay in a 2 bedroom, 2.5 bath villa for the week of the Texas A&M / tu game - November 25th - November 29th! Don't miss your chance to stay at one of College Station's premier communities while enjoying all of the amenities (awesome work-out room, resort style pool, etc). Click here to check out the facility and to see photos of this luxurious apartment community! The apartment will come fully furnished, see other details on this thread.

"Sounds great! How do I win?!"

We'll be running a contest starting now through September 20th to give away the 4 night stay at Callaway Villas Hotel! Enter to win by posting your best t-sip joke on this thread between now and noon on September 15th to enter the contest. On the 15th, TexAgs staff will narrow it down to the 5 finalists and the winner will be voted upon by the TexAgs users! On the 20th, we will post the results and the winner will have a free stay in Aggieland during the best week in Aggie football!

Only one entry per user is allowed.

Thanks, Gig'em, and good luck! A big thanks to Callaway Villas Hotel!

Please e-mail Amanda@TexAgs.com with any questions about the contest.

Couple texas football players are walking down the street hooping and hollering loudly. Someone asks them what they are celebrating. They reply, "We just put together a jigsaw puzzle in just over 1 month." Someone said, "So..." They replied, "Well, the box said 2-4 years on it!"



sorry just one entry



[This message has been edited by SeanAg05 (edited 9/1/2009 10:09a).]

Q: Why do t-sips wear orange?



A: So they can pick up traffic cones, play football, and go to jail all without changing uniforms!

How do you sit 4 longhorns on a stool?

Flip it over.

Two young boys are walking down a residential area of Holleman when a pitt bull atacks one of the little boys. So the other boy grabs a near by branch and hits the pitt bull over the head killing it and saving his friend.

Standing across the street was a writer for The Eagle and seeing the incident runs across the street for an interniew. He tells the little boy the paper the next day will read "Future Aggie Saves Friend's Life"

The little boy says but I'm not going to go to Texas A&M.

So the writer says ok, how about "Aggie Fan Beats Off Killer Dog to Save Buddy"?

And the little boy says, "No sir, I'm a fan of the University of Texas!"

The newspaper the next day read "T-sip Murders Family Dog!"

A UT Vol, a t-sip and an Aggie walk into the bar at the same time and decide to have a drinking contest.

The UT Vol orders a fifth of Jack Daniels, pours a pint glass, drains it, tosses the fifth bottle into the air, pulls his revolver out and shoots the fifth, shattering glass everywhere. Then he says "We've got lots of whiskey in Tennesseee."

The t-sip orders a bottle of fruity blush wine, drains a pint glass, throws the bottle into the air, pulls his revolver, shoots the bottle and says "we've got a lot of wine in Austin.

The Aggie looks at both of the other two, orders a bottle of Cuervo, drains a pint glass, pulls his revolver, shoots the t-sip and says "We've got a lot of these homos in Texas."

**Editing the "offensive" word**

[This message has been edited by aTm2004 (edited 9/1/2009 10:48a).]

A t-sip lawyer and an aggie farmer happen to be sitting next to each other on a long flight. The t-sip knew that he was smarter and better than the aggie seated next to him. About halfway through the flight the t-sip was bored and asked the aggie if he wanted to see who was smarter. The aggie hesitated at first, but then decided to play along. T t-sip explained the rules of the game. Each person would come up with a riddle. If the other could not sove the riddle, then they would have to pay the other $100.00. The aggie did not really have the money to play and was hesitant to go along. He made a counteroffer to the t-sip. Since you are a rich lawyer you can still pay the $100.00, but since I am only a humble aggie farmer I will pay $50.00. The t-sip who now had his ego stoked agreed to that. He even let the aggie go first.

The aggie thought for a minute and then came up with his riddle. "What is green and black and walks on two legs and runs on three?" The t-sip thought and he thought. After a few minutes he could not come up with the answer. He pulled out $100.00 from his wallet, gave it to the aggie and said "I have to admit I do not know the answer, What is green and black and walks on two legs and runs on three?" The aggie promptly pulled out $50.00 and said "I don't know either." He then turned and went to sleep.

....Rememberin' the fallin' down and the laughter and the curse of luck from all those sonsabitches that said we'd never get back up!! (REK)

It was the first day of school. The 2nd grade teacher told her students that she was a Texas Longhorn. She asked her students to raise their hands if they were Texas Longhorns too. Not really knowing what a Texas Longhorn was, but eager to please their teacher, all the students but one did. The teacher asked the little girl why she didn't raise her hand. The little girl proudly said, "My mommy and daddy are Texas Aggies and so am I". The teacher said, "What if I told you your parents were morons?" The little girl said, "That would make me a Texas Longhorn."

"I saw a werewolf drinking a Pina Colada at Trader Vic's; his hair was perfect."

How many Aggies does it take to change a light bulb?

None. T-Sips work in maintenance.

KC beat me to it.

Sorry jack. An Iowa friend originally e-mailed that to me. I shared it with some 'sip friends I have, they're no longer friends. Liberals have no sense of humor.

"I saw a werewolf drinking a Pina Colada at Trader Vic's; his hair was perfect."

Q:How do you keep a longhorn out of the endzone?

A:Put a few women in it.

There's a young man that has grown up on a farm in Central Texas that has wanted to be an Aggie all his life. His mom and dad were Ags, his grandfather was an Ag...you get the picture. Unfortunately, he sends his test scores in, and A&M admissions department tells him he's simply too smart for A&M. A&M has a reputation to maintain. He'll have to go somewhere else.

Luckily these are big money boosters, and so they contact a researcher at A&M. The scientist says, no problem, I am working on an IQ reduction machine. We'll just spool his IQ back to 110 or so, and let him retake the tests. The young man agrees.

So they hook him up to the IQ reduction machine, the scientist sets the dial to 110, and turns it on. But a switch blows, and the dial starts spinning backwards....all the way back to an IQ of 15. Mom is weeping, dad is shouting, the professor is terrified because the process is not reversible. No one has ever had that many IQ points reduced.

They unhook the kid and watch as he groggily comes to......he opens his eyes....looks about the room...sees mom and dad in A&M gear...and he shouts:

"Hook 'Em!"

In honor of Dr. Lawrence "Pete" Petersen, who used to tell this joke to his CPSC classes:

(Paraphrased)

A longhorn, an aggie, and a red raider are sitting on an airplane flight. The longhorn asks the Aggie if he's kind enough to go get him a drink. Sure enough, the Aggie says "no problem" and vacates his seat.

The longhorn turns to the red raider and says "Watch this". He picks up the Aggie's shoe and spits in it.

The Aggie comes back, and the Red Raider asks him if he would be kind enough to get him a drink too. The Aggie obliges and leaves again.

The red raider picks up the Aggie's other shoe and spits in it. At this point, both the Longhorn and Red Raider giggle.

The Aggie returns and sits down. He slips his shoes on and waits until the Longhorn and Red Raider both take a drink and says:

"Guys, when will this all stop? This spitting in shoes, and peeing in each others' drinks..."

-------------
Class of 2004
-------------

quote:

---

How do you sit 4 longhorns on a stool?

Flip it over.

---

Coke.on.keyboard

Guy in a suit comes into a plane at the last minute out of breath, hair a mess, etc and takes his seat in the middle. All three people in the row start talking and realize they are doctors headed out on vacation. The last guy on says "I had the worst operation this morning. It was a Tech grad and you know how un-organized they are. None of the organs were in the right place and everything was a total mess. It took so long to fix everything I almost missed the plane." The others agree. The 2nd Doctor says "I was lucky this morning. I had such an easy operation. It was an Aggie and you know how organized they are. Everything was in the right place so it was no problem at all. I had a plenty of time to get to the airport" The third doc looks at both of them and says "Looks like I had the easiest operation of anybody this morning. I operated on a tu grad. I don't know if you know this but they only have two parts...a mouth and an a hole...and they're pretty much interchangeable."

[This message has been edited by Lone Stranger (edited 9/1/2009 12:56p).]

A man walks into a store and says, "I would like a white visor, burnt orange pants, and a burnt orange button down"

The clerk says, "You must be a Longhorn fan."

"Yes," replies the man, "How did you guess? The burnt orange?"

The clerk replies, "Nope, this is a hardware store."

Guy goes into a bar, there’s a robot bartender.

The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini." The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What’s your IQ?"
The guy says, "168". The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, “What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini". Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, "What’s your IQ?"
The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini", and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What’s your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50." The robot leans in real close and says, "So, how about those Longhorns?"


[This message has been edited by Caesar4 (edited 9/1/2009 11:07a).]

[This message has been edited by Caesar4 (edited 9/1/2009 11:08a).]

Sergio Kindle was "texting."

Did I win??

Why does Vince Young keep his wonderlic score on his dashboard?

So he can park in handicap spaces.

An Aggie was at a party with several other academics from all the universities in Texas. Being a fairly well versed academic himself he decided to expand his knowledge and take part in a few healthy debates and discussions. After finding preachers from Baylor, SMU and TCU he proceeded to have lengthy debate on theology and philosophy. Next he found an Engineer from Rice and discussed the fundamental theories of mathematics and advanced scientific rules.

It was getting rather late in the night so the Aggie started heading for the door when a t-sip stopped him. The t-sip explained how he could tell that the Aggie was obviously very educated man and could carry a conversation on many topics. He asked if the Aggie if he wanted to discuss politics, the economy, law, or sociology. The aggie said I will discuss anything you would like if you can answer me one question.

“A cow, a Horse and Sheep all eat grass. Yet a Cow has patties, a Horse has manure, and a sheep has pellets. Why is that?” The t-sip did not know how to answer the question and just shrugged his shoulders.

So the aggie responds “What makes you think you can carry on an educated conversation when you don’t know Sh*t?”


[This message has been edited by jread07 (edited 9/1/2009 4:13p).]

Did you hear about the Longhorn who tried to blow up the Longhorn team bus?

He burned his lip on the tailpipe.

a recent chemical eng. grad from a&m went to work for an oil company in saudi when his jeep broke down. being that he was in shape, decided to jog back to camp. an oil man from saudi passed him and did not stop, went over a sand hill and the ag saw black smoke and heard a crash. getting to the wreckage, the man was trappen inside so the ag broke a window and pulled the man to safety. wanting to pay the ag for saving his life, he offered cases full of money, a fleet of cars, to no avail. he then told the ag that he surely always wanted something that his family could not get for him while he was growing up. kinda embarresed, he said that growing up, he always wanted a mickey mouse outfit, so the oil man bought the ag the tU campus.

what do you call a sip with two brain cells?

Pregnant

In Austin for the first time because of a convention, a businessman decides to check out a Longhorn bar by the sip campus.

As he walks in, the bartender (typical t-shirt sip fan) gives him a suspicious look. The barkeep approaches him and says, "Ain't never seen you in here before." The guy replies that he is in from out of town on business.

Bartender: "So, what do you do"

Businessman: "I'm a taxidermist"

Bartender: "Taxi.....taxa....what?"

Businessman: "I mount animals."

With a relieved look, the bartender hollers out to the other patrons, "It's okay boys, he's one of us!"

Blue star for Silver Eagle...

What is the difference between a longhorn and a catfish?

One is a scum sucking bottom feeder, the other is a fish.

Sip, Sooner, and Ag are out on the trail late at night. After setting up camp, they start a good sized fire and begin cooking some grub. With college football starting soon, the sooner decided to instill a little fear in his fellow cowboys by letting them know just how tough the men from oklahoma were. The sooner tells tale of how he rescued a young woman the other day from a rabid dog. Says he didn't have anything on him so he just ran up and pinned the dog down until animal control came. The sip, impressed (and probably now quite smitten with the sooner), says, "Wow, that's pretty tough." Understanding that he had just been challenged, the sip tries to outdo the sooner with a tale about how he saved a child who was cornered by a rattlesnake by grabbing the serpent and biting it's head off. The sooner thinks for a minute and says, "I'll give it to you my friend, you're one tough hombre." A moment passes and they both look to the Aggie for what they expect to be some weak, BS story about how he was even tougher. The Aggie had nothing - and just sat their - silently stirring the coals with his penus.

[This message has been edited by deadelephant98 (edited 9/1/2009 12:10p).]

[This message has been edited by deadelephant98 (edited 9/1/2009 12:20p).]

An Aggie and a t-sip get into a car accident, and it's a bad one. Both cars (with football stickers on windows) are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the t-sip says, "So you're an Aggie, that's interesting. I'm a Longhorn... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that, despite your inferiority to us Longhorns, we should be friends from now on."

The Aggie replied," I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!" The Aggie continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whiskey didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this and celebrate our good fortune."

Then he hands the bottle to the t-sip. The sip nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the Aggie. The Aggie takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the t-sip.

The t-sip asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The Aggie replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

Ag and sip are after the same advertising job, similar resumes, similar references, and the boss can't decide. Boss comes up with an idea to find the most creative. He brings sip in first. "Son, I want you to make up a poem that ends in Timbuktu. You got one minute. After a minute, boss asks for poem. In the arrogant tone of most sips he replies, "Across the vast and burning sands, there came a mighty caravan. Men and camel two by two, destination Timbuktu. The boss is flabbergasted. "The job's yours...wait,I don't need a lawsuit. I need to bring in the Aggie. He explains the rule and sits back looking at his watch, chuckling. "Times up, you lose." "What do you mean I lose", says the Ag. "Oh, you have a poem?" Yes, sir. "Me n Tim a huntin we went. Met three wentches in a old green tent. Since they was three and we was two, I bucked one and Tim bucked two". Needless to say who got the job.

An Ag, a sip and a Sooner were all working in Saudi Arabia and decided to smuggle in a case of booze. Possesion of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia. The police got wind of the offending cargo, rushed in and arrested all three. Each was sentenced to 20 lashes in a public ceremony on the town square.
It just so happened that the day of the whippings was also the birthday of the Prince's wife. She asked that each prisoner be granted one wish before their whipping, as a present to her.
The sooner thought about it and asked, "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes, and he was carried away whimpering and bleeding.
The sip watched this in horror. He was up next, so he asked, "Please tie 2 pillows to my back."
The 2 pillows lasted 15 lashes, and the sip had to endure 5 lashes on his bare back. He was carried away screaming like a girl.
The Aggie was up next. The Prince said, "You are from a most respected school, and your traditions are among the finest in the world. For this, you will granted 2 wishes."
The Aggie said,"Thank you, most gracious Prince. For my first wish, I would wish that you give me 100 lashes, not just the 20."
The Prince said, "You are a most brave, honorable and powerful man. As you wish, so be it! What is you second wish?"

The Aggie said, "Tie the sip to my back."

There was a 10 year senior sip,Oveb (a big embarrassment to tu) Couldent pass nothing to graduate.

The president of tu had a solution,the entire student body with at least a 3.0 will gather in d.r. stadium for an one question test for Oveb to graduate.

The day came, everyone gathered,Oveb and 3 wise deans met at mid field.

The wisest dean asked Oveb if he was ready, he said yes. dean said, Oveb, for your diploma what is 2 plus 2. Oveb said it is,,,4

In unison the entire stadium shouted,,"give him anouther chance "

SUNFLOWER

There were 3 longhorns and 3 aggies going on a train ride. At the first train station the longhorns all buy a ticket each, but the 3 aggies only bought one ticket. The three aggies call got into one restroom stall and when the man came around and said "Tickey, please." They gave him just the one. The longhorns all thought this was clever, so at the next train station the longhorns bought one ticket, but the three aggies didn't buy any tickets. All the aggies got into one stall and the three longhorns got into another stall. One aggie came out of their stall, knocked on the longhorns stall and said "Ticket Please."

Funny how these are recycled by school. I've heard variants using Aggies, Buckeyes, and even Auburn fans as the punchline.