Greatness. I'm honored to post on this thread.

This line always gets to me....

quote:

---

When Kong (referred to as SOG – Sack of Goo from here on out) was about 15 rows away the guy sitting behind me just started laughing his a$$ off, uncontrollably.

---

Put the fat guy on the isle and the foreigner by the window and you have RAMF's seating chart.

quote:

---

A Grego sighting

---

Holy ****! I'm feeling all nostalgic now. Maybe rwilson wants to get his teeth kicked in again, like old times.

This one still gets me.

Mud hitting curtains makes me lose it every time. RAMF could have made some money selling this as a workout. My abs are sore.

Ttt

This thread is hilarious. I'm so glad someone pointed it out.

I had some lady probably around ~300-350 sit next to me on a 2 hr 15 min SWA flight. It sucked that I had to lean over to the side to avoid basically rubbing up against her the entire flight. But honestly, I felt bad for the lady. I could hear her breathing and panting as if she was going for a brisk walk, but she was actually just sleeping.

It's like you could tell that the poor lady was making a Bee-line as quickly as she could to an early grave. The heart has only so many beats of strength, and when she is panting while being absolutely still, you know her time is limited.

I don't care how many times I read this. IT NEVER GETS OLD! I laugh today as hard as I did the day it was posted.

Something about this awesome post has always tugged at me but I couldn't ever figure out what it was. There was something familiar about the SOG.

That's when the realization struck me! The fatso with travel scrabble could be none other than the inimitable Geoff Ketchum! It must be!

Whew, I'm glad I finally was able to place it. That's like having the name of a movie on the tip of your tongue but not being able to remember it. Relief!



I bleed Maroon and I wipe burnt orange.

quote:

---

Whew, I'm glad I finally was able to place it. That's like having gerg on the tip of your tongue but not being able to swallow and then.............. Relief!



I bleed Maroon and I wipe burnt orange.

---

Yo Irish, are you Chip Brown? Cause that quote is highly inaccurate! ;-)

This story never gets old

I laugh so freaking hard at this thread all the time! It never gets old!

I just had gotten out of the hospital last week, and was browsing for reading material. Then I found this post and when I started to laugh hysterically, weeping actually, my wife started to call 9-11 as she thought that I had flipped out or was in eminent danger of popping my rubber bands and duct tape that they sealed me up with to stop the internal bleeding.

I could not help myself. I would read a line, laugh until I could not breath, then say "I will not laugh, I will not laugh".

Did not help. I finally finished the post, and it took me about fifteen minutes before I was back to normal.

On a side note, I still have a bone to pick with the huslinone crew from 95 on. Having been one of Butch Baldridge's four personal fish during his p-head year, I am waiting for an explanation as to both how they got the unit disbanded, and what happened to the legacy items from that outfit. Especially since there was a lack of cooperation with those who got the unit reinstated.

Story of man on private jet with no toilet...who has a personal emergency.

Need to read this every year

Was this you too OP? New year bump with more hilarity...

quote:

---

Dear Jetstar…

Do you like riddles? I do, that’s why I’m starting this letter with one. What weighs more than a Suzuki Swift, less than a Hummer and smells like the decaying anus of a deceased homeless man? No idea? How about, what measures food portions in kilograms and has the personal hygiene of a French prostitute? Still nothing? Right, one more try. What’s fat as f***, stinks like s**t and should be forced to purchase two seats on a Jetstar flight? That’s right, it’s the man I sat next to under on my flight from Perth to Sydney yesterday.

As I boarded the plane, I mentally high-fived myself for paying the additional $25 for an emergency seat. I was imagining all that extra room, when I was suddenly distracted by what appeared to be an infant hippopotamus located halfway down the aisle.

As I got closer, I was relieved to see that it wasn’t a dangerous semi-aquatic African mammal, but a morbidly obese human being. However, this relief was short-lived when I realised that my seat was located somewhere underneath him.
Soon after I managed to burrow into my seat, I caught what was to be the first of numerous fetid whiffs of body odour. His scent possessed hints of blue cheese and Mumbai slum, with nuances of sweaty flesh and human faeces sprayed with cologne – Eau No.

Considering I was visibly under duress, I found it strange that none of the cabin crew offered me another seat. To be fair, it’s entirely possible that none of them actually saw me. Perhaps this photo will jog their memories.

Pinned to my seat by a fleshy boulder, I started preparing for a 127 Hours-like escape. Thankfully though, the beast moved slightly to his left, which allowed me to stand up, walk to the back of the plane and politely ask the cabin crew to be seated elsewhere. I didn’t catch the names of the three flight attendants, but for the purpose of this letter, I’ll call them: Chatty 1, Chatty 2 and Giggly (I’ve given them all the same surname – Couldnotgiveash***).

After my request, Chatty 1 and Chatty 2 continued their conversation, presumably about how s*** they are at their jobs, and Giggly, well, she just giggled. I then asked if I could sit in one of the six vacant seats at the back of the aircraft, to which Giggly responded, “hehehe, they’re for crew only, hehehe”. I think Giggly may be suffering from some form of mental impairment.

I tried to relocate myself without the assistance of the Couldnotgiveas*** triplets, but unfortunately everyone with a row to themselves was now lying down. It was then I realised that my fate was sealed. I made my way back to Jabba the Hutt and spent the remainder of the flight smothered in side-boob and cellulite, taking shallow breaths to avoid noxious gas poisoning.

Just before landing, I revisited the back of the plane to use the toilet. You could imagine my surprise when I saw both “crew only” rows occupied by non-crew members. I can only assume Giggly let them sit there after she forgot who she was and why she’s flying on a big, shiny metal thing in the sky.

Imagine going out for dinner and a movie, only to have your night ruined by a fat mess who eats half your meal then blocks 50% of the screen. Isn’t that exactly the same as having someone who can’t control their calorie intake occupying half your seat on a flight? Of course it is, so that’s why I’m demanding a full refund of my ticket, including the $25 for an emergency row seat.

I’m also looking to be compensated for the physical pain and mental suffering caused by being enveloped in human blubber for four hours. My lower back is in agony and I had to type this letter one-handed as I’m yet to regain full use of my left side. If I don’t recover completely, I’ll have to say goodbye to my lifelong dream of becoming Air Guitar World Champion. If that occurs, you will pay.

To discuss my generous compensation package, email me at: richwisken@hotmail.com, or tweet me at: @RichWisken

No regards,

Rich Wisken.

---

Man, this one and the bathroom yarn are epic.

"No regards" is a nice touch.

So is RAMF also Rich Whisken, or did one of them borrow from the other?

Just read this to my boss. He's crying.

Bored at work so I was reading the Texags Classic's Archive and came across this.

Hilarious doesnt even begin to discribe it. idk how to discribe it, but it is amazing.

I hope this bump isn't a sign...I fly this afternoon.

Great read as always though!

[This message has been edited by Saint Arnold (edited 5/16/2014 1:51p).]

Awwwww ****

I miss RAMF

saw this in the comments section of the airplane story link

Poo-pourri...
http://youtu.be/ZKLnhuzh9uY

Poo-ppuri video! Hahaha!

quote:

---

Toothdoc86

---

Wtf are you?

everytime i see a golf cart at the airport i think of RAMF and his damn fat orcans driven around by the bushmen of the kalahari.

quote:

---

quote:

---

Toothdoc86

---

Wtf are you?

---

That's ****ing hilarious.

quote:

---

the sound that followed basically equated to mud hitting curtains

---

Just freakin hilarious...May the window seat guy next to SOG recover from this as soon as possible.

quote:

---

I miss RAMF

---

+1,000