The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Minnesota nine that day;
the score stood four to two, with but one inning more to play.
And then when Buxton died at first, and Gordon did the same,
a sickly silence fell upon the patrons of the game.
A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest
clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
they thought, if only Donkey could get but a whack at that
they'd put up even money, now, with Donkey at the bat.
But Correa preceded Donkey, as did also Urshela
and the former was a prima donna and the latter was a fraud
so upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat,
for there seemed but little chance of Donkey's getting to the bat.
But Urshela let drive a single, to the wonderment of all,
and Correa, the much despised, tore the cover off the ball;
and when the dust had lifted, and the men saw what had occurred,
there was Carlos safe at second and Gio a-hugging third.
Then from five thousand throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
it rumbled through the Twin Cities, it rattled in the dell;
it knocked upon the mountain and recoiled upon the flat,
for Donkey, mighty Donkey, was advancing to the bat.
There was ease in Donkey's manner as he stepped into his place;
there was pride in Donkey's bearing and a smile on Donkey's face.
And when, responding to the cheers, he lightly doffed his hat,
no stranger in the crowd could doubt 'twas Donkey at the bat.
Ten thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with dirt;
five thousand tongues applauded when he wiped them on his shirt.
Then while the writhing pitcher ground the ball into his hip,
defiance gleamed in Donkey's eye, a sneer curled Donkey's lip.
And now the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the air,
and Donkey stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there.
Close by the sturdy batsman straight down the middle did it come
"That ain't my style," said Donkey. "Strike one," the umpire said.
From the benches, black with people, there went up a muffled roar,
like the beating of the storm-waves on a stern and distant shore.
"Kill him! Kill the umpire!" shouted someone on the stand;
and it's likely they'd have killed him had not Donkey raised his hand.
With a smile of Christian charity great Donkey's visage shone;
he stilled the rising tumult; he bade the game go on;
he signaled to the pitcher, and once more the spheroid flew;
but Donkey still ignored it, and the umpire said: "Strike two."
"Fraud!" cried the maddened thousands, and Echo answered fraud;
but one scornful look from Donkey and the audience was awed.
They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain,
and they knew that Donkey was ready to see strike three again.
The sneer is gone from Donkey's lip, his teeth are clenched in hate;
he pounds with cruel violence his bat upon the plate.
And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go,
and now the air is shattered by the force of Donkey's blow.
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
the band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
and somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But we all know what is coming soon mighty Donkey will strike out.
Welcome back my friends, to the thread that never ends!
We're so glad you could attend! Come inside! Come inside!
It is my distinct honor to welcome you to the 2023 Joey Gallo Appreciation thread. On December 20, 2022, the Minnesota Twins punched their ticket to become the odds-on favorite to lead the AL in strikeouts when they signed Joey "King Donkey" Gallo to a one-year contract worth $71.4 billion. The Twins are going to play him at first base to start the year because of injuries and because he played one inning at first in the past four seasons. It's just math, baby.
But the Twins didn't sign King Donkey to field the ball, they signed him to strike out 200+ times while hopefully hitting a couple of home runs. This is the situation I've been dreaming about for Jose Rooster for a few years now. A safe space where he doesn't have the media pressure of an LA or a New York, free from the rigorous labor of being in the thick of the pennant race like he was year after year with the Rangers, and just able to breathe that mountain air, cleanse his spirit in the waters of Lake Minnetonka, and do what he was meant to do: Challenge Mark Reynolds' all-time single season strikeout record of 223.
Jealousy on the part of his mangers limited Joey to just 350 at-bats last year, but he was still able to strikeout 163 times. If you'd have given the guy 500 ABs, he would have struck out 233 times. LET THE MAN LIVE HIS DREAM!
Last year, Joey got his 1,000th career strikeout, yet for some reason there was no ticker-tape parade, and the banks were open, it was the ultimate sign of disrespect. He starts the year with 1,048 career strikeouts, good for 313th on the all-time list. Part of the grandeur of this thread is counting off as Joey blitzes up the all-time list, passing pretenders left and right who took 15-20 years to do what Joey is doing in 8 or 9. He only needs 21 strikeouts to get into the top 300 this year. If he can whiff 200 times, we're scratching the surface of the top 180.
On the active list, Joey's already #32. Obviously, this list is fluid, but nobody whiffs like Donkey whiffs. We're talking getting into the top 20 of current players quickly.
What's most exciting for KD is that he'll be paired with another legendary whiff artist the incredible Miguel Sano, who the Twins told, "Guess what, we aren't paying you $14 million this year, but if nobody else signs you, we'll pay you $3 million." A match made in heaven!
As many of you know, I'm pretty convinced Sano isn't an actual baseball player, but rather found a jersey one day, put it on, and the Twins just went with it. He's at 1,042 strikeouts, six behind JoJo Say Wha?. He lost almost all of his 2022 season to injury, hitting .083 with 5 hits in 60 at-bats and 25 strikeouts. He's never been healthy enough to get to 200 strikeouts in a year, but we can dream.
Of course, the mastery of striking out nonstop isn't just the domain of Joey and Miguel. We have made a number of new friends over the past two years that have given us delights of all shapes and sizes. Let's review a few of our favorites as we anticipate what newcomers will join the Lords of the K in 2023.
Kyle Schwarber: 200 strikeouts last year while largely batting leadoff for the Phillies. Because who doesn't want a leadoff man who is slow as molasses and strikes out 200 times?
Eugenio Suarez: Had 200 strikeouts in the bag and got hurt in September last year. I'd call it a Greek tragedy, except he's from Venezuela. 196 strikeouts in 150 games last year. That's gold Jerry, gold! 171 strikeouts and a .198 average in 2021. Led the league with 189 strikeouts in 2019. He's ready to ascend.
Javier Baez: He's home in Detroit now and hopefully can regain the form that made him so prolific in striking out. Led the NL in 2021 with 184 despite getting traded.
Let's not forget, our Brave trio of Dansby Swanson (182), Matt Olson (170) and Austin Riley (168) who combined to strike out 500+ times last year, only the fourth time that's ever happened. Sadly, Swanson has gone on to the Cubs. I think the Mariners might do it this year with Suarez, J-Rod, and Cal Raleigh.
So let the whiffs begin! Sometimes they'll be an update every day, sometimes there will be 10 a day, which means I don't feel like working. Hopefully I won't get banned for a month like last May for unrelated matters.
At the end of the day, if you love Joey Gallo and value the One True Outcome, this is your thread. If you think I'm an idiot, you're probably married to me. But if you're not, just stay off. It's really easy to ignore **** you don't like.
Joey's season kicks off on Thursday, March 30 as the Twins test their mettle early on a murder's row road trip to Kansas City and Miami.
They return home on April 6 against the Houston Astros, a team Joey G has a career .160 average against, with 128 strikeouts in 269 at-bats. I'm not making those numbers up.
We close this Opening Thread with a great thing that Joey once said while addressing Congress.
"Some people see a slider that hits 6 feet in front of the plate and think, 'Why swing?'
I dream of a slider that hits 6 feet in front of the plate and think, 'Why not?'"
the score stood four to two, with but one inning more to play.
And then when Buxton died at first, and Gordon did the same,
a sickly silence fell upon the patrons of the game.
A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest
clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
they thought, if only Donkey could get but a whack at that
they'd put up even money, now, with Donkey at the bat.
But Correa preceded Donkey, as did also Urshela
and the former was a prima donna and the latter was a fraud
so upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat,
for there seemed but little chance of Donkey's getting to the bat.
But Urshela let drive a single, to the wonderment of all,
and Correa, the much despised, tore the cover off the ball;
and when the dust had lifted, and the men saw what had occurred,
there was Carlos safe at second and Gio a-hugging third.
Then from five thousand throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
it rumbled through the Twin Cities, it rattled in the dell;
it knocked upon the mountain and recoiled upon the flat,
for Donkey, mighty Donkey, was advancing to the bat.
There was ease in Donkey's manner as he stepped into his place;
there was pride in Donkey's bearing and a smile on Donkey's face.
And when, responding to the cheers, he lightly doffed his hat,
no stranger in the crowd could doubt 'twas Donkey at the bat.
Ten thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with dirt;
five thousand tongues applauded when he wiped them on his shirt.
Then while the writhing pitcher ground the ball into his hip,
defiance gleamed in Donkey's eye, a sneer curled Donkey's lip.
And now the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the air,
and Donkey stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there.
Close by the sturdy batsman straight down the middle did it come
"That ain't my style," said Donkey. "Strike one," the umpire said.
From the benches, black with people, there went up a muffled roar,
like the beating of the storm-waves on a stern and distant shore.
"Kill him! Kill the umpire!" shouted someone on the stand;
and it's likely they'd have killed him had not Donkey raised his hand.
With a smile of Christian charity great Donkey's visage shone;
he stilled the rising tumult; he bade the game go on;
he signaled to the pitcher, and once more the spheroid flew;
but Donkey still ignored it, and the umpire said: "Strike two."
"Fraud!" cried the maddened thousands, and Echo answered fraud;
but one scornful look from Donkey and the audience was awed.
They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain,
and they knew that Donkey was ready to see strike three again.
The sneer is gone from Donkey's lip, his teeth are clenched in hate;
he pounds with cruel violence his bat upon the plate.
And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go,
and now the air is shattered by the force of Donkey's blow.
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
the band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
and somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But we all know what is coming soon mighty Donkey will strike out.
Welcome back my friends, to the thread that never ends!
We're so glad you could attend! Come inside! Come inside!
It is my distinct honor to welcome you to the 2023 Joey Gallo Appreciation thread. On December 20, 2022, the Minnesota Twins punched their ticket to become the odds-on favorite to lead the AL in strikeouts when they signed Joey "King Donkey" Gallo to a one-year contract worth $71.4 billion. The Twins are going to play him at first base to start the year because of injuries and because he played one inning at first in the past four seasons. It's just math, baby.
But the Twins didn't sign King Donkey to field the ball, they signed him to strike out 200+ times while hopefully hitting a couple of home runs. This is the situation I've been dreaming about for Jose Rooster for a few years now. A safe space where he doesn't have the media pressure of an LA or a New York, free from the rigorous labor of being in the thick of the pennant race like he was year after year with the Rangers, and just able to breathe that mountain air, cleanse his spirit in the waters of Lake Minnetonka, and do what he was meant to do: Challenge Mark Reynolds' all-time single season strikeout record of 223.
Jealousy on the part of his mangers limited Joey to just 350 at-bats last year, but he was still able to strikeout 163 times. If you'd have given the guy 500 ABs, he would have struck out 233 times. LET THE MAN LIVE HIS DREAM!
Last year, Joey got his 1,000th career strikeout, yet for some reason there was no ticker-tape parade, and the banks were open, it was the ultimate sign of disrespect. He starts the year with 1,048 career strikeouts, good for 313th on the all-time list. Part of the grandeur of this thread is counting off as Joey blitzes up the all-time list, passing pretenders left and right who took 15-20 years to do what Joey is doing in 8 or 9. He only needs 21 strikeouts to get into the top 300 this year. If he can whiff 200 times, we're scratching the surface of the top 180.
On the active list, Joey's already #32. Obviously, this list is fluid, but nobody whiffs like Donkey whiffs. We're talking getting into the top 20 of current players quickly.
What's most exciting for KD is that he'll be paired with another legendary whiff artist the incredible Miguel Sano, who the Twins told, "Guess what, we aren't paying you $14 million this year, but if nobody else signs you, we'll pay you $3 million." A match made in heaven!
As many of you know, I'm pretty convinced Sano isn't an actual baseball player, but rather found a jersey one day, put it on, and the Twins just went with it. He's at 1,042 strikeouts, six behind JoJo Say Wha?. He lost almost all of his 2022 season to injury, hitting .083 with 5 hits in 60 at-bats and 25 strikeouts. He's never been healthy enough to get to 200 strikeouts in a year, but we can dream.
Of course, the mastery of striking out nonstop isn't just the domain of Joey and Miguel. We have made a number of new friends over the past two years that have given us delights of all shapes and sizes. Let's review a few of our favorites as we anticipate what newcomers will join the Lords of the K in 2023.
Kyle Schwarber: 200 strikeouts last year while largely batting leadoff for the Phillies. Because who doesn't want a leadoff man who is slow as molasses and strikes out 200 times?
Eugenio Suarez: Had 200 strikeouts in the bag and got hurt in September last year. I'd call it a Greek tragedy, except he's from Venezuela. 196 strikeouts in 150 games last year. That's gold Jerry, gold! 171 strikeouts and a .198 average in 2021. Led the league with 189 strikeouts in 2019. He's ready to ascend.
Javier Baez: He's home in Detroit now and hopefully can regain the form that made him so prolific in striking out. Led the NL in 2021 with 184 despite getting traded.
Let's not forget, our Brave trio of Dansby Swanson (182), Matt Olson (170) and Austin Riley (168) who combined to strike out 500+ times last year, only the fourth time that's ever happened. Sadly, Swanson has gone on to the Cubs. I think the Mariners might do it this year with Suarez, J-Rod, and Cal Raleigh.
So let the whiffs begin! Sometimes they'll be an update every day, sometimes there will be 10 a day, which means I don't feel like working. Hopefully I won't get banned for a month like last May for unrelated matters.
At the end of the day, if you love Joey Gallo and value the One True Outcome, this is your thread. If you think I'm an idiot, you're probably married to me. But if you're not, just stay off. It's really easy to ignore **** you don't like.
Joey's season kicks off on Thursday, March 30 as the Twins test their mettle early on a murder's row road trip to Kansas City and Miami.
They return home on April 6 against the Houston Astros, a team Joey G has a career .160 average against, with 128 strikeouts in 269 at-bats. I'm not making those numbers up.
We close this Opening Thread with a great thing that Joey once said while addressing Congress.
"Some people see a slider that hits 6 feet in front of the plate and think, 'Why swing?'
I dream of a slider that hits 6 feet in front of the plate and think, 'Why not?'"
WARNING: I have a deep-seated desire for others to love the Star Wars franchise as much as I do, in exactly the way I do, and get snippy and sensitive and passive-aggressive when they don't.
