*** CAPITAL GAINS: THE 2024 JOEY GALLO APPRECIATION THREAD ***

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YokelRidesAgain
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1:51p, 4/21/24
AG
Once again, the Great Gallo is being oppressed by a managerial nincompoop who is putting on airs and acting like it is a bad thing to strike out in 54% of your at-bats.

Donkey even hit a double for the ungrateful wretch yesterday, and he finds himself on the pine in favor of Joey "Menses" Meneses, who is objectively bad at baseball by traditional (OPS .518) and advanced (a pathetic 16 strikeouts) metrics.

We must fervently hope that Joey PMS tips a uterus, so that Donkey can go back to playing every day.
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YokelRidesAgain
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4:11p, 4/21/24
AG
Menses goes 2 for 4 with a 2 run RBI single.

Great. Just great.

Please just trade Donkey to Oakland already. The Gnats are far too competitive for a man of his talents.
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Corporal Punishment
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9:54p, 4/21/24
AG
He's auditioning for the Japanese league. Can't wait to see him decked out in Ham Fighter gear. I give it a year. Tops.
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The Porkchop Express
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3:52p, 4/23/24
HE ISNT IN THE LINEUP AGAIN DAMN YOU
WARNING: I have a deep-seated desire for others to love the Star Wars franchise as much as I do, in exactly the way I do, and get snippy and sensitive and passive-aggressive when they don't.
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YokelRidesAgain
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In reply to The Porkchop Express • 4:46p, 4/23/24
AG
The Porkchop Express said:
HE ISNT IN THE LINEUP AGAIN DAMN YOU
If this doesn't stop happening, I am going to go to Columbia University and organize a tent city filled with Donkey fans protesting this outrage. Joey cannot shatter the strikeout record if he is not allowed to play.

The decision is particularly bizarre as Joey is 3 for 9 with 4 strikeouts in his career against Dodgers starter James Paxton, which is like hitting .700 for a regular baseball player.
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DeProfundis
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5:07p, 4/23/24
It's advanced metrics ruining the game of baseball again. That James Paxton is a tall drink of water, and Gallo has hydrophobia.
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The Porkchop Express
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8:49p, 4/23/24
They brought Donkey up with 1 out in the bottom of the ninth and he gave the home fans what they wanted with an electrifying 10-pitch walk to bring the tying run to the plate.

FREE THE DONKEY
WARNING: I have a deep-seated desire for others to love the Star Wars franchise as much as I do, in exactly the way I do, and get snippy and sensitive and passive-aggressive when they don't.
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YokelRidesAgain
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9:01p, 4/23/24
AG
Aw, too bad.

Gnats left fielder Jesse Wanker strikes out with the bases loaded, stealing the chance for a game ending strikeout from Our Joey's nemesis, Joey Menses*.

You got what you deserved, Gnats.

*Is at not bad enough that he is stealing Donkey's place at first and at cleanup despite his, uh, electrifying OPS of .547? Does he have to steal Donkey's very NAME??? I don't know what the hell is wrong with Manager McButthead, but he is starting to make me nostalgic for Ma Boone and Rockhead Baldelli.
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YokelRidesAgain
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4:26p, 4/24/24
AG
JOEY IS IN THE LINEUP!!!

HITTING FIFTH!!!

FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON, HE IS BEING FORCED TO PLAY THE OUTFIELD, BUT WE ALL KNOW THAT HE CAN SUMMON GREATNESS AT AN INSTANT, REGARDLESS OF UNEXPECTED COMPLICATIONS!!!

I AM GOING TO GO AHEAD AND ISSUE A FULL ON SOMBRERO WATCH!!!
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nai06
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6:10p, 4/24/24
AG
Doing my part to report live on his performance tonight.


So far not great
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The Porkchop Express
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6:36p, 4/24/24
Striking out is what Joey does best and he delieverd.
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YokelRidesAgain
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6:44p, 4/24/24
AG
Our Joey is 0 for 1 with one K, as it should be!!!

Our correspondent is kicking ass and taking names!!!
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nai06
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In reply to YokelRidesAgain • 7:09p, 4/24/24
AG
0 for 2 now

Little action from the field while we wait on a pitching change
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nai06
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7:29p, 4/24/24
AG
0-3

They selected a fan in between innings to guess who will be the next Nats player to hit a home run. If the guess correctly they win $75.


She picked Joey Gallo.

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YokelRidesAgain
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7:33p, 4/24/24
AG
You got this, Donk!!!

Show her ass up! Strikeout!

One true outcome, baby!!!
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sburg2007
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7:39p, 4/24/24
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The Porkchop Express
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7:55p, 4/24/24
Ohtani watches Gallo and realizes he's not the only all timer out there.
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DeProfundis
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In reply to The Porkchop Express • 9:40p, 4/24/24
The Porkchop Express said:
Ohtani watches Gallo and realizes he's not the only all timer out there.


Honestly I think it was because of his prop bets
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The Porkchop Express
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10:20p, 4/24/24
Updated standings in the only race that matters:

Teoscar Hernandez, 38
Jose Siri, 38
Joey Gallo, 37
ONeil Cruz, 37
Kyle Schwarber, 36
Nolan Jones, 36

Don't sleep on Kyle Schwarber, mostly because he looks like he rarely bathes, but also because he is after a third straight 200 K season, something only the Supreme Being, the Reynoldite, has previously done.
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The Porkchop Express
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10:21p, 4/24/24
Also, whenever Teoscar Hernandez hits free agency, he should rent the place where they have the Academy Awards and get a famous actor to go up to the podium with an envelop and say, "And Teoscar goes to ..."
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The Porkchop Express
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6:20a, 4/25/24
Joey's current paces for 2024

148 games
472 at-bats
56 runs
63 hits
35 doubles
21 HR
35 RBI
99 BB
261 K

He's on pace for 2 MLB records right now. Most strikeouts as well as fewest RBI with 20+ HR. That record is 40 RBI by former Oriole Chris Hoiles in 1992.

With Joseph's 3 strikeouts last night, he's up to 1,227 for his career, moving past Boog Powell, Garret Anderson, and Juan Uribe in the process. It's clear skies ahead to reach the Top 200 of all-time now. He's 3 away from tying a trio of similarly-talented players at #200 - Rickie Weeks, Nick Markakis, and Roberto Clemente. From there, if he stays healthy, he can ride the K Train up pretty quickly. Bryce Harper entered the Top 100 last night at 1,416, that's just 183 away. Good times are here again!



WARNING: I have a deep-seated desire for others to love the Star Wars franchise as much as I do, in exactly the way I do, and get snippy and sensitive and passive-aggressive when they don't.
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Corporal Punishment
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11:14a, 4/25/24
AG
Is Joey's lifetime batting average (.195) the lowest in MLB history for a player with 200+ career homers?

Holy hell, it has to be…by a wide margin I would think.
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DeProfundis
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In reply to Corporal Punishment • 11:15a, 4/25/24
Corporal Punishment said:
Is Joey's lifetime batting average (.195) the lowest in MLB history for a player with 200+ career homers?

Holy hell, it has to be…by a wide margin I would think.
two people I believe, he and Mike Zunino. Zunino is .199
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Corporal Punishment
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11:37a, 4/25/24
AG
Looks like Zunino only has 149 career homers.
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The Porkchop Express
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12:19p, 4/25/24
So what you're really saying is that Joey is the best player ever when it comes to hitting home runs while batting under .200.
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The Porkchop Express
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12:19p, 4/25/24
By the way of the 63 hits Joey is on pace for this year, only 7 of those are singles.
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YokelRidesAgain
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6:09p, 4/25/24
AG


At long last, after laboring under the oppressive thumbs of Ma Boone, Dave Roberts, and Rockhead Baldelli, King Donkey is back where he belongs, at the top of the MLB strikeout leaderboard!

Three more Ks today elevate his season totals to an astounding 9 for 70 (.129/.299/.329) with 3 home runs, 5 RBI, and most importantly, 40 strikeouts. If Joey can strike out 5 more times without accidentally getting a hit, he will bring his whiffing average to a heretofore inconceivable .600.

Further defying imagination, Donkey still has the 2nd best batting average in the Gnats starting outfield.
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DeProfundis
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In reply to Corporal Punishment • 7:31p, 4/25/24
Corporal Punishment said:
Looks like Zunino only has 149 career homers.


I'm the Joey Gallo of reading comprehension
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redline248
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In reply to DeProfundis • 10:07p, 4/25/24
AG
You read with your eyes closed?
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YokelRidesAgain
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8:18a, 4/26/24
AG
Well, I just found out why Donkey is in the outfield.

It seems that Gnats starting right fielder, Bobo D. Hobo* has been placed on the IL for a case of crippling ennui.**

What it all adds up to, is playing time for the Donk!

*Not his actual name.

**Not his actual diagnosis, probably.
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sburg2007
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In reply to YokelRidesAgain • 8:51a, 4/26/24
It is Lane Thomas with a sprained MCL. Lots of moving parts leads to... who am I kidding? He will K no matter what.
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YokelRidesAgain
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In reply to sburg2007 • 9:04a, 4/26/24
AG
sburg2007 said:
It is Lane Thomas with a sprained MCL.
I like my version better.

In other news, Hay-sus.

The Florida Fish are starting a lefty, Jesus Luzardo, tonight. Our Joey is 0 for 2 lifetime with one K versus this pug.

The Gnats busdriver better not even think about "playing the matchups". Teoscar and Schwarber don't take days off. It's time to commit to greatness. Commit to EVERYDAY DONKEY.
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YokelRidesAgain
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3:14p, 4/26/24
AG
Not too happy that Donkey is in the seven hole, but at least he's in the lineup.

Jesus, meanwhile, has left the building, so Joey faces a guy making his MLB debut instead.
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toucan82
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3:43p, 4/26/24
It doesn't matter how many times you've faced a pitcher if you just close your eyes and swing
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The Porkchop Express
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3:53p, 4/26/24
s There's nothing worse than being on a 24 hour ban while King Donkey takes the strikeout lead.
WARNING: I have a deep-seated desire for others to love the Star Wars franchise as much as I do, in exactly the way I do, and get snippy and sensitive and passive-aggressive when they don't.
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