Donkey ain't skeered of no Major League debut!!!

He has kept his eyes tightly shut and struck out twice, raising his whiffing percentage to an otherworldly .583!!!

Third at-bat in process!!

YES BABY, THAT IS THE WAY YOU DO IT!!!

DONKEY FIGHTS OFF A 3-0 COUNT AND STRIKES OUT LOOKING!!!

HE IS IN SOLE POSSESSION OF THE MAJOR LEAGUE LEAD WITH FORTY-THREE!!!

https://www.sevenyardsback.com/post/joey-gallo-is-no-hero

The hit pieces are coming out. Some people think it's something called a "statistical anomie" that Jeff Samarkand has 1 more sac fly than Gallo despite 3000 less at bats, and being at a position that is no longer allowed to bat.

You can't steal second base with your foot on first, and you can't fight city hall.

With his heroics last night, Donkey passed two Hall of Famers (Roberto Clemente and Larry Walker) on the all time list.

He now has two others squarely in his sights, needing only a Golden Sombrero to pass Mr. Cub, Ernie Banks, and tie Duke Snider.

Banks required a ludicrous 10,396 at bats to strike out 1236 times, whereas Joey is at 1233 after only 3234 attempts.

Banks did pick it up a little as he aged, making it to 101 strikeouts in his age 39 season, but overall it was a highly disappointing performance.

..OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

DONKEY IS ON THE TEN DAY IL! WITH A LEFT AC SPRAIN!!

THIS MUST HAVE HAPPENED WHEN HE MADE CONTACT LAST NIGHT!!

OR IS IT ALL JUST PART OF A GIANT CONSPIRACY BETWEEN THE OWNERS AND THE COMMISSIONER'S OFFICE?

A little extra donkey sauce

When the count if 0-2 this year, he is a perfect 6-6 on striking out.
When it's 1-2, he has struck out 7 times in 9 at-bats
When it's 2-2, 16 times in 18 at-bats.
When it's 3-2, 14 strikeouts in 19 at-bats.

So when Joey has 2 strikes and swings at the next pitch, he is 4 for 52 with 43 strikeouts.
So if a pitcher gets 2 strikes on him and he swings at the next pitch, he's going to strike out 82.7% of the time.

AMERICA HELD HOSTAGE DAY #2: THE NIGHTMARE CONTINUES

After Joey was condemned to the IL with a mysterious ailment that would have made Vladimir Putin blush, the Gnats fought back against the Florida Fish in a tribute to their fallen leader, with a Fightin' Texas Aggie baseball-esque 12-9 win after facing a 7-0 deficit.

Unfortunately, the Triple A pug who is stealing Donkey's spot in right field, Alex "Lauren Ba" Call went 2 for 2 with 2 walks and three runs scored, which many moronic MLB "insiders" think is good.

Thankfully, Joey's useless nemesis Joey Menses somehow contrived to go 0 for SIX with ZERO strikeouts, which I'm not sure how is even possible.

Give the kids what they want!

They want STRIKEOUTS! They want FREE RANGE DONKEY!!!

Tough day for the Donk today, as he went 1 for 3 with a walk, a HR, and no strikeouts.

Reached for comment after the game, Joey had this to say:

"I don't know what's wrong, man. The bendy pitches these kids throw at this level, they're, like, not bendy enough.

Like the one I accidentally hit into the seats in the seventh. If that had just bended, like, four inches more it's an easy K for the pitcher.

Anyway, I'm really looking forward to treating the whole team to the buffet at Cici's Pizza after we get out of here. They're great kids, and they deserve it."