An Aggie, Red Raider, and a Longhorn were walking down a dirt road, talking football, kicking cans and bottles....

From one of those bottles kicked, a genie arose from in a giant green cloud. The three were quite taken aback from the sight.

The genie looked upon the three and asked "who is it among you that has set me free from thousands of years of containment in that bottle". Not knowing, and fearfull of the genie's intentions, not one of the three claimed the freeing kick.

So the genie continued.."I am allowed to grant three wishes to the one that freed me, and since none will step forward, I will grant you each one wish".

The genie said "you, with Tech written on your shirt, go first.." The Red Raider, very excited explained to the genie that the land around his beloved University was a "wasteland of dust, and I would like it to be the most fertile lush land on the earth..." The genie said "it is done" and the land around Lubbock was green and fertile.

The genie then said "you, with the horned animal's head on your shirt, speak to me.." to which the Longhorn said.. "I want a wall built around my fair city of Austin, a great wall, so as to keep the wierdness in, and (now glaring at the Aggie) keeping all of those Aggies out..". The genie said again.."it is done", and there was a mighty wall around the Longhorns city.

The genie now looked upon the Aggie, and told him since he had the last wish to consider his choice wisely.

To which the Aggie responded.."I have a question about the wall you just placed around Austin, just how mighty is it?" The genie explained "it's foundations are deep, it's walls are inpenenitrable, and it is so high it cannot be climed by man or machine.., AND WHAT IS YOUR WISH YOU CLOTHED IN MAROON?"

To which the Aggie responed to the genie...



"Fill it with water."

[This message has been edited by Old Sarge (edited 9/1/2009 10:38p).]

tu: Where the girls are girls, and the boys are too.

t-sip walking down the street sees an ag standing in the middle of the street jumping up and down on a manhole cover. The ag is yelling 9 every time he jumps. Concerned that the ag is going to get run over, the t-sip tells him to get out of the street. The ag replies that he's having a lot of fun, but if the t-sip will jump up and down on the manhole cover and see how much fun it is, he will get out of the street. The t-sip agrees, goes out in the middle of the street and jumps up in the air yelling 9. While in the air, the ag pulls the cover and the sip goes down the manhole. The ag gets back on and yells 10!

[This message has been edited by zardozia (edited 9/2/2009 8:33a).]

Guys these are getting better and better. Keep them coming

There were three t-sips on a island. They find a magic lamp and are each granted 1 one wish. The first t-sip says "I wish I was 10 times smarter." The genie grants his wish, the t-sip builds a rowboat and rows to shore. The second t-sip says "I wish I was 100 times smarter." The genie grants his wish, he builds a motor boat and gets to shore. The third t-sip says "I wish I was a billion times smarter." The genie grants his wish, *Pooof*, he turns into a Fightin' Texas Aggie and he walks across the bridge.

Why did Texas choose orange as their team color?

You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.

Three nuns go to heaven and St. Peter tells them he will grant them one wish. The first says she would like to have sex with Robert Redford. St. Peter say that it was a surprising request but he could understand.
The second nun says she would like to have sex with Brad Pitt. St. Peter was again shocked but said he could understand. The third nun said she would like to have sex with Mack Brown. St. Peter was really shocked and asked who in the world is Mack Brown. The nun said that she didn't know either but that she was from College Station, Texas and everyone there said screw Mack Brown.

tu just hired a new deffensive coordinator: F. Lee Bailey

Q: How many longhorns does it take to screw in a light bulb?


A: Just one...

...to stand there holding up the light bulb waiting for the world to revolve around him.

A teacher asks her 2nd grade class how many of the students are fans of the tu longhorns.

Wanting to impress their teacher, every student eagerly raises their hand. Except one.

Little Mary on the front row quietly sits with her hands in her lap.

The teacher notices this and walks over to Mary, and while frowning asks: "Mary, aren't you a fan of the Longhorns?"

"No, ma'am," Mary replies.

"And why not?" the teacher demands.

"Well, my mommy & daddy both went to Texas A&M. They're both big Aggie fans, and so am I" says Mary.

"Well, Mary," the teacher continues, "if your parents were fat, lazy & stupid, would you still be an Aggie fan?"

"No, ma'am," Mary answers, "then I'd be a fan of the Longhorns."

Q. What's the difference between a t-sip & an Aggie?

A. A t-sip can walk up to a hot girl & stick it in her. An Aggie can stick it in her & then walk on up to her.

Too bad I can't post a picture. The funniest t-sip joke is the look on my t-sip wife's face as I read every last one of these to her.

Priceless.

There were two special, star longhorn football players at the University of Texas that were really struggling with their basic level English classwork. Their names were Vince and Jamaal.

The football coach talks with the English professor and the professor agrees to privately tutor the longhorn football players, and then to create a special final exam that they would be sure to pass.

The football coach is excited that his star football players will pass the course and be eligible to play and so he instructs Vince and Jamaal to try really hard and do nothing but study for the test.

The professor brings in the two players and begins to tell them the material they will be tested on.

Professor: "Ok, Vince and Jamaal... we're going to make this extremely easy for you. I'm going to teach you a song and that is all you will be tested on. We are going to practice the song every single day until the test, so that you will be sure to pass."

Professor: "Ok, here is the song. [song]Old MacDonald had a farm...[/song]"

And the professor proceeded to sing the entire Old MacDonald song and practiced it every day with the longhorn football players.

Finally, the day of the test came and the professor walked into the room.

Professor: "Boys, I know you have been studying very hard for this test and are well prepared. I didn't want to take any chances, so the test is only one question. You can take it together. I'm going to leave the room. Take your time and put the test on my desk when you are finished."

The longhorn football players look at the test and see there is only one question:

<Fill in the Blank>
TEST: 1. Old MacDonald had a __________?

Vince: "Old MacDonald... yeah that sounds real familiar. I think I know this... Uhm.. uh..."

Jamaal: "Yeah, uh... what did that professor sing every day? Old MacDonald had...a...f-f-f-FARM!!!"

Vince: "Yeah, that's right!! Good job, Jamaal! But how do you spell that???"

Jamaal: "Uhh..ummm...uh...."

Vince: "I know!! E-I-E-I-O!!!!!"

Augie Garrido and a Sip football player are in a car. Who's driving?

The police

edited because I just realized I posted a very similar joke another poster posted previously. my new submission is posted in a new reply.



[This message has been edited by Raptor (edited 9/5/2009 2:07p).]

How many t-sips does it take to change a tire?

Two: one to hold the drinks and one to call Daddy.

Come on Ags, we have had decades to come up with jokes about t.u. We need to dig deep.

A bu grad a sip and Rock the good old Ag die and go before the gates Heaven. Peter is standing there next to a small fountain. He says "welcome guys, let me explain the rules to get into heaven: any kind of fornication sin is actually the gravest sin and if you've sinned with any part of your body you've got to place it (the body part) into the fountain to get it purified and then we'll let you in." Peter turns to The BU grad who was kind of timid his whole life, and the BU grad sighs and walks over to the fountain and sticks a couple of fingers into the water. Peter then turns to the A&M grad, but all of a sudden the T-Sip pushes past Rock and heads towards the fountain. Peter looks at him and asks "why the rush?" and the t-sip responds, "I want to gargle before Rock sticks his d*ck in the there"


AND THATS EXACTLY WHAT WERE GONNA DO TO EM AGGIES!!


/if this joke went too far please feel free to delete staff.

Here's my tu joke:

Vince Young's own comments on his NFL career...

"I don't know when I'll start again. But I will be the next black quarterback to win a Super Bowl. And I will be in the Hall of Fame."

Rock and a Sip get into a car accident on 696 in Lexington. Getting out to go collect the insurance information from the other driver, old Rock sees the Sip in his longhorn gear and says "you know Sip, we've been Rivals for a long time, why dont we bury the hatchet. You see that gas station over there, lets go get some Shiner and we'll toast to each other's school." The Sip, who was tired of the entire world hating his school saw the opportunity to make a friend and agreed. So Rock went over, bought a 6 pack, opened one and handed it to the Sip. The Sip, unable to overcome his underhanded self centered sip personality, took a big swig and said "ah, here's to Texas A&M, the 2nd best school in Texas" The Sip, thinking he was pretty clever looked over at Rock to see him standing there with the other 5 beers in his hands, still unopened. "Well, don't you want to toast to the greatest university in the world?"

Old Rock, putting the beer on the ground next to the sip replied: "Nope, im just goin to wait for the state trooper to show up."

A sip, a sooner, and a tceh grad are playing poker one night. They let their Aggie friend watch the game.

After playing for an hour, they tell the Aggie, they are thirsty and go get them a drink of water. The Aggie leaves, comes back in a couple of minutes with three glasses of water.

This goes on for a few more hours and every time the Aggie comes right back with the glasses of water. About 3:00 am, they ask the Aggie to get them another glass of water. So the Aggie leaves. He comes back 15 minutes later and all three glasses are empty. The sip asks the Aggie what gives. You have been getting us drinks of water all night long and not taking more than a minute or two. Here it's been 15 minutes and you come back without any water.

The Aggie answers "Somebody's sitting on the well this time."

An Aggie walks into a bar with an alligator and asks the barkeep for a beer. The barkeep replies, "sorry... we don't allow alligators in this bar." The Aggie replies "this is a perfectly trained alligator and would never hurt anyone. Let me show you." So the Aggie pulls out his manhood and places it in the jaws of the alligator. The alligator gently closes his mouth. The Aggie pulls out a small hammer and taps the alligator on the head at which time the alligator opens his mouth, the Aggie puts his manhood away and says "see, this alligator is gentle as a lamb. Would anyone else is this bar like to try it?" Immediately, a longhorn at the end of the bar says "well, I guess I would if you promise not to hit me on the head with that hammer too hard."

The best joke about t.u. is the Morrill Act of 1862 which facilitated the creation of the Agricultural & Mechanical College of Texas (i.e. Texas A&M University) in 1876. t.u. didn't open its doors in Austin until seven year later in 1883 making it the second of the state's two flagship institutions to be completed and offer a higher education.

Q: How many t-sips does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One, he just holds it in its socket because he thinks the world revolves around him.

This one is a bit long, and may be better audibly, but I still like it.

An old Longhorn is sitting in a bar alone working on his 3rd glass of whiskey. The bartender notices he hasnt said a word in about 20 minutes and asks him if everything is ok.

The Longhorn replies, 'You know I was QB of the UT football team in '63. I passed for 22 TD's, ran for 12 more. I played 3 games with a broken hand. But do they call me Saxon the quarterback? No.'

The bartender doesnt know what to say, so he starts to clean a glass. Saxon picks right back up where he left off. 'You see that dock out there? I built that one summer as a kid. I braved the wind, the rain, the sleet, and the snow. Swam every plank out myself. It's been standing for over 60 years! But do they call me Saxon the dock builder?! They sure dont.'

About this time, the Longhorn is really getting fired up, and continues. 'Did you know I built this bar too? Youre so young, you probably werent born. I watched more Super Bowls here than you could hope to see. But do they call me Saxon the bar builder?! Hell no...'

The bartender gets real quiet, taken aback by the Longhorns passion. Just quiet enough to hear him mutter under his breath, 'I mean... you screw just ONE goat!'

*edited for typo*
Gig Em and Go Stars!

[This message has been edited by SawEmOff54 (edited 9/3/2009 4:38p).]

Colt McCoy

Keep 'em coming!

No joke from me, but just reminding yall that you can check out our sponsor post on page 1 if you are needing a hotel stay for football, baseketball, soccer or dec. gradution weekends. Final four soccer weekend, OK State and t.u. are already full, however we are taking a wait list for them.

Thanks for the jokes so far... there is one week left to post then we will pick the best and vote for the winner of the 4 night stay at Callaway Villas for the t.u. game.

Enjoy.

There was an Aggie truck driver (who was overeducated for his job, but just loved driving trucks) who would run over sip t-shirt fans whenever he would see them on the side of the road. One day, he was driving along looking for burnt orange when he saw a priest whose car had broken down. Being the good Ag that he was, the truck driver picked up the priest to drive him back to the Parish. Sure enough, there was a big ol group of burnt orange wearing frat boys walking down the street, and even though the Ag really wanted to run em down, he decided that since there was a priest in the car he would let them live. As he drove by he heard a loud thud, so he looked over and the priest said "that was a close one, my son, but I got em with the door."

anything new in honor of game day

There was this Aggie at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this trouble-making t-sip steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The Aggie starts crying. The t-sip says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I over slept, and I go late to my mid-term. My professor, outrageous, fails me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. The campus police said that they can do nothing since the security cameras were malfunctioning. I get a cab to return to home, and upon getting out I realize I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the neighbor. I leave home and make my way to Kyle Field only to watch A&M lose. Finally, I come to this bar, and just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

why are you looking here... the joke is in your hand.

All good ones, but I'm going to tell one my granddad told me when I was younger. It helps that my dad went to tu...I think...

Anyway, way back when, after the end of WWII, an Aggie and a tea-sip had the idea to journey into Mexico to celebrate life and the goodness thereof. Or get insanely drunk and catch an embarrassing disease.

Needless to say, the two gringos got arrested by whatever passes for law enforcement down there and, since they had spent all their bribe money, had no way out. Their punishment would be death by firing squad at dawn the next day.

So they haul them out and shove them against the wall. The officer asks the two young men if they have a final request.

The tea-sip says "I love my alma mater so much, just let me hear that old fight song one more time before I'm shot". The officer nods and says that's just fine.

The officer turns to the Aggie and asks him what his last request may be. "Yeah", says the Aggie, "shoot me first."

Mack Brown passes away and finds himself at the pearly gates talking to St. Peter. St. Peter says, "Mack, you had a good run in college football, did some nice things, let me show you to your house here." St. Peter leads Mack to a nice wooden house, t.u. flag flying from the small porch, nice, clean yard. St. Peter says, "you should be honored... not everyone gets their own house."

Mack feels pretty good about himself, then he notices a mansion on a hill nearby. This ornate building has a huge rolling lawn with Texas A&M flags lining the drive all the way up to the marble porch.

Mack says, "Hey, how come I get this small house and Coach Sherman gets that mansion on a hill?!!"

St. Peter says, "That's not Sherman's house. It's God's."